The Camhunter Files, part 1

I am forever amused by the amount of men who venture into the orgy rooms looking for women to jump on webcam with them. Now, having never owned a cam, I cannot speak from experience, but aren't there cam chat rooms for this type of thing? Trolling for cam seems to defeat the purpose of Second Life, or at least trolling for cam in places where few women dare to tread.

I am not convinced that these guys meet willing women for cam who do not expect to be paid, but I am going to save that for another post.

In this particular instance, there was an escort in the room who kept announcing her cam and pic services in open chat about every 30 seconds or so. I was about to mute her when I noticed a man pass by me wearing a fliptitle that said "I pay for cam". Ah, I thought, the solution to my problems. Now, I do not normally initiate conversation; I am happy to stand there, look pretty, and wait for someone to talk to me. In this case, however, I was happy to approach him and point him in the right direction. Or so I thought.

[10:41] Amanda Amaterasu: Clueless, can you pay camgirly for cam so she can stop spamming already?
[10:41] Clueless Cam: ohhh
[10:41] Clueless Cam: and you ;)
[10:42] Amanda Amaterasu: I don't cam.
[10:42] Amanda Amaterasu: I just want her to shut up
[10:42] Amanda Amaterasu: So if you hire her, everyone gets what they want.
[10:42] Clueless Cam: you have msn?
[10:42] Clueless Cam: you come from?
[10:43] Amanda Amaterasu: I'm from the US, and I do not own a webcam, nor do I plan to purchase a webcam.
[10:43] Clueless Cam: ok you have msn
[10:43] Amanda Amaterasu: For what?
[10:43] Clueless Cam: wehen you have a webcam write me ok?
[10:43] Amanda Amaterasu: I don't think you understand me.
[10:44] Amanda Amaterasu: I do not own a cam, I will not ever own a cam.
[10:44] Amanda Amaterasu: camgirly has a cam
[10:44] Amanda Amaterasu: So you should talk to her about cam.

To the best of my knowledge, he did not contact her for cam.

I don't even get a "hello"?

I realize that the noob sex rooms exist for noobs to have sex. And to make money off of said noobs. I know this. That doesn't mean that the standards for politeness go out the window when approaching someone.

And as this conversation progressed, I wondered if this is the SL equivalent of not being able to get it up? I mean, he didn't even make a cursory attempt to attempt to seduce me when I asked.

[11:23] Mister Personality: hi how about us using these balls
[11:24] Amanda Amaterasu: To do what?
[11:24] Mister Personality: well the last time it was for sex
[11:24] Amanda Amaterasu: Oh
[11:24] Amanda Amaterasu: Well, why would I want to do that with you, instead of with another guy?
[11:25] Mister Personality: because i am very very good and i need to be with you and nobody else
[11:26] Amanda Amaterasu: Are you very, very good? Or are you just going to mount a ball and type "mmmmmm"?
[11:26] Mister Personality: try me lol i don't do Mmmm

(at this point he removed his pants and hopped on the nearest poseball.)

[11:26] Amanda Amaterasu: OK, prove it.
[11:26] Amanda Amaterasu: With your words.
[11:26] Amanda Amaterasu: If you're good, you don't need a poseball.
[11:27] Mister Personality: I know but it helps set the scene
[11:27] Amanda Amaterasu: You seem like a smart guy. Try setting the scene without poseballs.
[11:28] Mister Personality: ok normally i would just do it but its been a long day and i need to relax a bit so will you be here later so i can give you my full attention
[11:29] Amanda Amaterasu: Perhaps I will, perhaps I will not. But since I thought you were in the mood for sex, I guess you are unable to set a scene without poseballs.
[11:29] Mister Personality: and my 'script' is geared to the position
[11:29] Amanda Amaterasu: Pity. It could have been fun.

Beggars can't be choosers

Let me preface this by saying that I am not an escort. However, if a man is going to make ridiculous, illiterate demands, I feel that I can make ridiculous demands as well.

[12:29] Bald Illiterate: came suck me
[12:30] Amanda Amaterasu: I'm sorry, is that supposed to be in English?
[12:30] Bald Illiterate: lol
[12:30] Bald Illiterate: my english is not the best
[12:30] Amanda Amaterasu: So I noticed.
[12:31] Bald Illiterate: suck me a little?
[12:31] Amanda Amaterasu: And what are you going to do for me?
[12:31] Bald Illiterate: everything that you want
[12:31] Amanda Amaterasu: Great, let's go shoe shopping.
[12:32] Bald Illiterate: but first you suck me
[12:32] Amanda Amaterasu: No, first you buy me shoes.
[12:32] Bald Illiterate: no
[12:32] Bald Illiterate: suck first
[12:32] Amanda Amaterasu: Then I can't give you a blow job, sorry.

A typical newbie conversation

These types of conversations are par for the course if you are a female and you dare to step into an orgy room. I didn't take a picture of this unfortunate fellow (yeah, yeah, I know, pics or it didn't happen), but he was wearing the freebie tux (more on this in another post) and the old default male avatar.

[8:01] Typical Noob: hi
[8:01] Amanda Amaterasu: Hello
[8:01] Typical Noob: you are nice miss
[8:01] Amanda Amaterasu: I am?
[8:02] Typical Noob: yes
[8:02] Amanda Amaterasu: OK
[8:02] Typical Noob: and your body is nice
[8:04] Typical Noob: hi
[8:04] Amanda Amaterasu: Hi again
[8:04] Amanda Amaterasu: Sorry I was a little distracted
[8:05] Typical Noob: can i get nice time with you
[8:05] Amanda Amaterasu: I don't know... depends on what you mean
[8:06] Typical Noob: i mean get nice time with you
[8:06] Amanda Amaterasu: Can you be a bit more specific?
[8:07] Typical Noob: are you understand
[8:07] Typical Noob: miss
[8:07] Typical Noob: miss
[8:07] Amanda Amaterasu: No, I don't understand you.
[8:07] Typical Noob: ok
[8:08] Amanda Amaterasu: [8:05] Typical Noob: can i get nice time with you
[8:08] Typical Noob: i mean fuking you
[8:08] Amanda Amaterasu: Ah
[8:08] Amanda Amaterasu: That's what you should have said
[8:08] Typical Noob: i mean that
[8:08] Typical Noob: you understand
[8:08] Amanda Amaterasu: So you should just say what you mean, so it's clear
[8:09] Typical Noob: ok let's go
[8:09] Amanda Amaterasu: Uh, who said I was going to fuck you?
[8:09] Typical Noob: yes
[8:09] Typical Noob: how much
[8:10] Amanda Amaterasu: Who said I was an escort?
[8:10] Typical Noob: ok
[8:10] Typical Noob: you mean not come with me
[8:10] Typical Noob: ok
[8:11] Amanda Amaterasu: Well, you don't give me much of a reason to fuck you.
[8:12] Typical Noob: are woman
[8:12] Typical Noob: or teen
[8:12] Amanda Amaterasu: I'm an adult, teens tend to be escorts or lack standards.
[8:12] Amanda Amaterasu laughs
[8:13] Typical Noob: ok you want or no
[8:14] Amanda Amaterasu: No
[8:14] Typical Noob: why
[8:14] Amanda Amaterasu: Because 1) I don't know you 2) You haven't said or done anything to interest me
[8:15] Typical Noob: ok
[8:15] Typical Noob: i'm so sorry about that
[8:15] Typical Noob: see you
[8:15] Amanda Amaterasu: Bye

The first post, and hopefully not the last

Hello, my name is Amanda. Despite my youthful appearance in Second Life, I've actually been playing for approximately 18 months. I enjoy most of the same things that you do. I love shopping and have a stuffed virtual closet to prove it. I have lots of great friends from all over the world. I go to clubs, attempt to make stuff, and I've done a bit of modelling here and there.

But my favorite pastime in Second Life is going to orgy rooms.

For those of you not in the know, orgy rooms are the saddest and most hilarious places in Second Life. You'd think a 24 hour sex party would be, you know, erotic, or at the very least, a sexy good time. Instead, very little sex actually happens in these rooms. Sure, there will be cheap "escorts" who sell sex for as little as a linden per minute. There will be exhibitionist noobs in poorly designed avatars demanding that every woman they see give it up for free, including voice and cam. But there is very little sex that happens in the orgy rooms.

So what keeps me coming back to these places? It's certainly not for the promise of free sex with someone who's probably 14 years old in real life, or 50 years old and married, or with a "lesbian" who's a real life man getting his kink on. No, it's the hours of painfully funny conversations I've had with strange horny men that keep me coming back again and again. I've kept the best ones. I've shared them with friends. And now I plan to share them with you.

All names will be changed to protect the innocent, the not-so-innocent, and the just plain weird. Hopefully, I'll get some reader submissions as well, and we all can enjoy.

And for you gentlemen out there, if you recognize yourself in any of these conversations... remember, with free sex, you get what you pay for.

Enjoy!